What says Happy Father’s Day more than handing DH a shovel and saying “Get that freaking MUSKRAT outta the backyard before your family comes over”?? Nothing right?! I know, I’m genius. Best Wife Evah!

What’s a muskrat you say? Wiki says,

The muskrat (Ondatra zibethicus), the only species in genus Ondatra, is a medium-sized semi-aquatic rodent native to North America, and introduced in parts of Europe, Asia, and South America. The muskrat is found in wetlands and is a very successful animal over a wide range of climates and habitats. It plays an important role in nature and is a resource of food and fur for humans, as well as being an introduced species in much of its present range.
The muskrat is the largest species in the subfamily Arvicolinae, which includes 142 other species of rodents, mostly voles and lemmings. Muskrats are referred to as “rats” in a general sense because they are medium-sized rodents with an adaptable lifestyle and an omnivorous diet. They are not, however, so-called “true rats”, that is, members of the genus Rattus.

This is what it looks like alive…

Here is ours, um, not so alive. Even the thing that killed it was all like “WTF is this thing?!” and left.

Now, they normally live near water, well, with the rains we had last week, it’s pushed the platte river up to the max and created new ponds all around my neighborhood. I live in the sticks, so it’s not hard.

Okay, so back to the rat… EWWWWWWWW! I called DH and he said “take the shovel and go throw it over the hill, that’s what I do to the rabbit parts.” huh?! Wait, this is common in our backyard? Like, I’ve seen some dead rabbit parts once in a great while, but little did I know it happens all the time and right down the hill is like a dead animal cemetery! Wait, I have Pet Cemetery on my property! Only worse ’cause these animals weren’t even cute or nice or disease free enough to be someone’s pet. Great. Thanks a lot Hubby, now I’m going to have nightmares of animal zombies. Like I wasn’t bat shit crazy enough?! Now I have to worry about FREAKIN UNDEAD MUSKRAT ZOMBIES!

So this isn’t the first time we’ve had weird animals around us either. When I lived in Morrison, Colorado, we had a black fox, coyotes and turkey vultures all in the open space behind our house! Now we move North of the Metro into the sticks and we have rattlesnakes, prairie dogs, bull frogs, rabbits, giant spiders that are super scary looking (Orb Weavers, google that shit!) and now freakin muskrats. Did I move into a zoo and didn’t know it?!

So, back to Father’s Day… Should I put the bow on the shovel for DH to get rid of this thing, or put it on the muskrat?